Now, it isn’t possible to enter into things so lightly, which means there is pressure when one does enter into them at all. There are Other People to think about – in my case a significant three, aged 12, 14 and 16. The consequences of dating “mistakes” in middle age are more rippling. I am incredibly careful about what I do and don’t tell my children; I hide any tears a new disappointment brings, but when it spills out, I find them to be amazingly, touchingly protective. They are happy to welcome anyone but if he treats me unkindly, quickly brand him a “knob” and freeze him out in that inimitable teenage way. Meanwhile, I hope to be with someone who has the potential to understand children and to love them.
By that I mean how many are in shape, have not “let themselves go”, are not 50 lbs overweight , are not frumpy and have maintained an element of style about themselves? IMHO, there are far more “fit” 50-something men than women. I’m in my late 50s and when I go to my local gym, I see plenty of “in shape” guys in my age bracket working out. Attractive, stylish, physically fit women over the age of 50 have their pick of men. Many of these women who use online dating sites know this and will not hesitate to point out that there are far more men than women on dating site “x” so the man better wow her if he wants a reply.
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NMJ – as a man who is much closer to 60 than 50, it just seems like the number of available, age-appropriate women who are reasonably fit and stylish are few and far between. Those few who are – well, they know it – and are seeking a “younger” guy If Not You Nobody who, in their words, can “keep up.” Lotsa $$$ doesn’t hurt either. I maintain that this post’s title assertion is utter BS. In fact, the reverse is true for women… IF they have worked at remaining some semblance of physical fitness and style.
I am capable of speaking up and should have been assertive, but couldn’t be bothered. No amount of assertion can make up for a person’s absence of curiosity. Users needs to be about 45 yrs old to join up to 50plus-Club.
Alisha Ross – I was on a well-known online “dating” site for about 6 mons. I found very few real women in my age bracket and geographic area. (After a while you can spot the “bots” a mile away.) So I created a fake yet detailed female profile to find out what the male competition was like. I counted 208 guys compared to the women I usually found.
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If I didn’t buy it, it proved I didn’t love her. She was always angry and humiliated by anything that I did. I wanted to do stuff around the house but nothing I did was good enough and if as tried to ask her what she wanted she was humiliated. I ended up not trying to please her because it became clear that was a waste of time.
All the great things about being single – autonomy, privacy, independence – are too precious to give up for The Not Quite One. If one more person tells me “it will happen when you’re least expecting it”, I will clobber them. One tick, no sex, though possibly, if there was no alternative that evening. And possibly more sex, and if lucky, a relationship. Mistake dates could be written off quickly. A broken heart less so, but even then one only had oneself to consider.
Sure I’ve gotten hurt, but I won’t change and become a liar in future relationships just to protect myself. You can’t have a real and meaningful relationship without honesty and respect for yourself and for the other person. Chris….you sound like a genuine person also.
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I counted 20 guys for every woman in my demographic. Great odds for the ladies, a sucker’s bet for the guys. Color me frustrated because finding a 50-something woman who meets all three of those criteria AND is available is akin to finding a purple unicorn. First, I want to say to keep up the hope that you’ll find a good woman that you deserve and who deserves YOU and the love you’ll give her.
Younger women, let’s say in their 20s and up to mid 30s have zero interest in men that old. Women in their 40s are either going for men their age or taking advantage of their cougarness. Life gets really sad when you’re a male in your 50s.